Ho Ho No

by John Jordan

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Produced by John Jordan at Osmosis HQ November 2018


released November 15, 2018


all rights reserved



Osmosis Unlimited Montreal, Québec

Saxophonist singer John Jordan and a collection of Montreal's finest musicians produce original music in ska, reggae, rock, soul, and a host of other genres.

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Track Name: Ho Ho No
Christmas shopping ho ho no
To the stores our moneys go
All so family and friends
Will get to unwrap stuff again
Who profits from this tradition
That fills me with so much suspicion
I think it’s just corporations
Manipulating expectations

Want to give the very best presents?
Give your heart your time your presence
Make something with your own hands
So everybody understands
The ones who you say “They are mine”
Are ones to whom you give your time
Write a book or sing a song
Bake a cake you can’t go wrong

Make your way through snowy streets
You don’t need to save receipts
Drop in with a casserole
You won’t get a lump of coal
Sit on the floor and play a game
Lit by a fireplace’s flame
What matters most is togetherness
With who you love it’s effortless

Take a break from shopping sprees
Grab your showshoes and your skis
Grab your pals and hit the trails
Never mind those clearance sales
Time together what we need
In our words and in our deeds
Time for us to change our ways
In how we spend, these holidays
Track Name: PornHub on the Metro
Watching Pornhub in the Metro
I’ll tell you from the get-go
Will eat up all your data
Even if it’s Pornhub Beta
Watching Pornhub on the subway
I know it sounds perverted
It may just seem like bum play
Try it and be converted

Next time you sit
Next to an empty seat
And somebody approaches
Some idiot complete
When they sit beside you
Take a break from tweets
Load up the Hub
Say “Look here, bub,
Care to beat your meat?”

Some may call it ru de
And far to knobby knobby
Embarrassing the prudes
Is my top rated hobby
I text her hey send nudes
From the bedroom and the lobby
On behalf of every dude
Please send vagine and bobbies

I am not endorsing
This fun for everyone
For say in Wyoming
People have shotguns
Not everyone likes moaning
Or someone’s naked sons
I guess it’s all just zoning
For just what can be done
See in this tube
I’m watching boobs
And having lots of fun

From Snowdon to Villa Maria
Can you believe it’s free ah?
From Vendome to St. Henri
Among the citizenry
At Lionel Groulx I cross the tracks
And there’s no turning back
I watch the farmer’s daughter
Waiting for the train to Atwater
Guy Concordia to Peel
Did he just cop a feel?
From Mcgill to Place des Arts
I found pornographic farts
St-Laurent to Berri
Oh they all think I’m scary
But I’m just so curious
Can’t wait to get on the bus

Watching Pornhub on the subway
I know it sounds perverted
It may just seem like child’s play
Try it and be converted
Watching Pornhub in the Metro
I’ll tell you from the get-go
Will eat up all your data
Even if it’s Pornhub Beta
Track Name: First Snow
First snow!
See how it shines and glows!
First snow!
Soon I'll be blowing my nose!

In the still of night it came tumbling down
There’s a blanket covering the town
The statue in the park has a white crown
Some will smile and some will frown
Some will just go with the flow
Some will not enjoy the show
Some will love the wintry glow
It’s come for us the first real snow

Streets so quiet in the dawning
No one on the street this morning
Staying home looking out windows
Keeping warm their very skin whose
Goosebumps rise at sight of white
Manifesting overnight
Where did I put those winter boots
Our hats our scarves and our snow suits

Inevitable precipitation
A trademark of our very nation
Heralds sledding and toboggans
Dusting white our chilly noggins
It’s come and here to stay a while
No other choice but to smile
For to frown is to choose being low
We’ll still have the same amount of snow

Make a snowball have a fight
Make the most of the dwindling light
Spread your limbs and make an angel
Drive safely as there is some danger
Catch a snowflake on your tongue
Unique each and every one
Eat it with some maple taffy
In this hivernal geography

It’s coming is inevitable
Gather yourself all up in wool
Sweep the stairs when they are full
Herald of the coming Yule
Down and down and down it falls
Insulating one and all
No matter if you’re short or tall
Play in the snow and have a ball

Some think that the snow is great
Me I choose to hibernate
Yes it is a miraculous thing
But thanks I’ll see you in the spring
Track Name: Good Morning
Good morning
Good morning
It’s not yet dawn
My love for you
Goes on and on
Good morning
Good morning
Today is the day
My love takes all of
your heartache away

The sun always rising
In the eastern sky
It’s not surprising
That you get me high
Until that sun sets
Low in the west
You know you can bet
I will pass your test
The day now is ours
To do what we will
Spending the hours
Getting our fill
Giving and taking
To each back and forth
My reason for waking
My star in the north

Good morning
Good morning
Oh what a day
I pay no mind
To what skeptics say
Good morning
Good morning
You are my queen
The loveliest thing
I have ever seen

At night in the moon
The sun is reflected
As I sing this tune
I pray you inspect it
And sing it with me
So when my voice cracks
Your sweet harmony
Will fill what I lack
The stars are all suns
Some now long gone
But every one
Was a bringer of dawn
Just as you are
To me and my heart
You are my star
A true work of art

Good morning
Good morning
Wake up and smile
Together we go
Another mile
Good morning
Good morning
We had a good rest
We did all the reading
And passed all the tests

Nothing can stop us
We are champions
Nothing can top us
Our great ambience
We go together
Like eagles and hawks
Birds of a feather
Together we walk
Two peas in a pod
Two coins in the fountain
We may be odd
But we climb every mountain
Let nobody take you
Away from me
I’ll never forsake you
As long as I be

Good morning
Good morning
Another day dawns
We are the knights
On a playground of pawns
Good morning
Good morning
Oh say can you see
The best place for you
Is right here with me
Good morning
Good morning
It’s not yet dawn
My love for you
Goes on and on
Good morning
Good morning
Today is the day
My love takes all of
your heartache away
Track Name: Infinity (For Stan Lee)

When I die
And my atoms are free
The universe
I hope they see
Flying from Earth
Out into the cosmic
Visiting nebulas
And galaxies chaotic
Racing the asteroids
through space
Leaving behind
The human race
Travelling light years
Away from the Earth
Until it is time
For my Rebirth

To Infinity and Beyond
That’s what the plastic spaceman said
To Infinity and Beyond
The One True God of Marvel’s dead
Wave a magic wand
And soar through the galactic sea
To Infinity and Beyond
Outer space is the place for me

I won’t need a rocket
Or a pressurized suit
With the cosmos in my pocket
Universally en route
Zipping at light speed
I’m neutrino Free from need
A bouncing atomic bambino
Chilling with antimatter
Because we go way back
When my matter finally scatters
I’ll dwell in the pitch black

To Infinity And Beyond
Beyond the satellites
To Infinity and Beyond
If it’s wrong I don’t wanna be right
I’m saying it with this song
So please turn out the lights
Let’s pretend
It is the end
And now eternal night

To see the Sirens of Titan
And be so enlightened
To see Andromeda spinning
That’s what I call winning
To fly into the Sun
It’s fun for everyone
To circle ‘round Uranus
And know no more what pain is
To explore the Milky Way
That would make my day
To fall into a black hole
I think I’m on a roll
To race the meteors
Nothing could be dreamier
To reach the End of Space and Time
The journey will be fine

To Infinity and Beyond
Is much more than just Heaven
To Infinity and Beyond
The idea gets me revvin’
To shake these Earthly bonds
Got me turned up to eleven
My final rest
Will be so blessed
And luckier than seven.

The Ultimate Osmosis
To know what the Cosmos is.
Track Name: Enema of the People
This Shithead
This King of The Sheeple
Is so full of shit
Enema of the People
This big turd
This festering creep’ll
Crap all over you
Enema of the People

What great ass shat you
Out into the world
Come out of your cupboards
You boys and girls
Give praise to the stain
The dirties our flag
He don’t like the rain
It makes his hair sag
Wipe all you want it
We’ll never get clean
We’ll always be haunted
By this poop machine
Spews from his hole
Like there’s no tomorrow
This shit has no soul
Just Twitter followers

His ass he wipes
With the Stars and Stripes
This stinking bum
A shit conundrum
The Commander in Shit
Is overdue for a hit
If only maybe
We could count on the First Lady
This festering pile
Who’s been here a while
Is completely indecently
Destroying us recently
It’s his time to go
And this much I know
Puppet of the Russian
Won’t someone be flushin’?
Track Name: Area-Ola

438 or 514?
You want it great
You want some more
514 or 450
Off to war?
We ain’t gonna go
450 or 418?
Don’t know
We never late
418 or 506?
Let me state
We’re full of tricks
506 or 902?
Doggy sics
And so do you
902 or 709?
What we do
We do in real time
709 or 604?
You gotta line
Up at the door
604 or 403?
You got someplace
Better to be?
403 or 306?
Can’t you see
This rhyme it sticks?
306 or 204?
Oil slicks
In the north
204 or 416?
Are you sore
From making hits?
416 or 514?
Come on, there is no question.
Track Name: 5711B

That’s the place I wanna be
5711 Sherbrooke Street
Come on over use your feet
Do drop in and visit me
5711 Sherbrooke West
Please call first that is the best
That’s the number for my cat Humbert
5711 down the way
Come on by and make my day
We will be with you shortly
5711 is the best
Every day it’s put to the test

There’s no doorbell just knock it
Tonight we’re gonna rock it
Keep your shoes on it’s ok
It’s a mess but I like it that way
Wait for Humbert to say hello
Sit right down and away we go
Conversation, hallucination,
Affectionate love proclamations
A coffee, a smoke, and a little snack
Here we go no turning back
Got the tunes and got the flicks
Too bad we ain’t got no chicks
In 5711B
Got the drink, got the food
Got all we need for a good mood
In 5711B

In summertime we sit outside
It looks real cool that’s cause we tried
To brighten up our little alley
By putting up the Alley Cat Gallery
We got cats, we got kittens too
It’s the truth man I ain’t shittin’ you
People come from miles around
To see the cats and hear the sound

Osmosis Unlimited, Bipolarizers
None the richer, none the wiser
The rumours are true we like to smoke
Our competitors are deader than Emperor Snoke
I done ten years and I’ll do ten more
Rent and location it’s a super score
Never thought I’d be so lucky
To live in such majestic poverty

Right in the middle of NDG
You know it’s all good in the Deeg with me
Our gallery sign has a lady’s kness
My neighbours are like family
Been in the hood since I was wee
And you can’t beat NDG for trees
We can take a walk to Girouard Park
Or go to the Hive and make some Art

The always something going on
From dawn til dusk and dusk til dawn
I miss Dad’s Bagels but it’s good enough
Now we’ve got Notre Dame de Boeuf
Get my prints at Harvard Stationery
Juhee hems my pants for free
Feed her something every day
She thinks I’m weird but it’s just my way
No I’ll never leave five seven one one
There’s just so much work that’s fun
From Claremont to West Broadway it’s the best place
Maybe next to outer space
Track Name: Community Service
Community Service

You done the crime now you won the time
Thanks to going one step over the line
Thats all it takes so that it makes
You give your time on your own dime
Out of your life will come the hours
It really is out of your powers
You must grow up you must show up
And navigate the towering towers
Service to your fellow man
Give back any way you can
We will best you, we will test you
Rehabilitation is the plan
You must be clever
No matter the weather
You must represent, you must be present
Everybody come together
Everybody come together

Community service today
For my mistake I will pay
Community service I say
So many hours every day
Community service my friend
Until I make it to the end
Community service job
Dropping service like a bomb

All it took was one mistake
That one time your judgements break
Never undone, this fate you’ve won
Now so early you must wake
To do your designated assignment
You cannot put it on consignment
You must commit, stand or sit
This is mandatory confinement
Must help your brothers and sisters
Listen up I’m telling you misters
Break the law, be an outlaw
Pay until your hands got blisters
Time recorded by the court
It may be long it may be short
Depending on just what you’ve done
It may be your last resort

Community service here I go
I’ve got to pay my dues I know
Community service make it fun
What’s one cannot be fast undone
Community service yes yeah yes
This is my citizenship test
Community service what a scene
I’m a part of the machine

Let me help you
It’s what I owe
The righteous judge
Told me so
My time is yours
My minutes, my hours
I will do all
That’s in my power
To be repentant and contrite
All the day and all the night
Pay back karma for my sins
It’s justice so
everybody wins
I regret
the things I’ve done
This assignment
I have won
From all the things
that I do lack
Now I’m getting
back on track
Pay it forward
Pay it back
I give my time
And cut no slack
Put in the hours
Put to the test
I have the power
To be my best

Community service how does it feel
To be doing something real
To put the scales back into balance
Together we have great valence
Community service rah rah rah
Never forget the ones I saw
Working hard to right their wrongs
For us I sing this little song
Track Name: Judge Not

B F# C# F#


F# B
Don't you look at me so smug, And say I'm going bad.
F# C#
Who are you to judge me, And the life that I live?
F# B
I know that I'm not perfect, And that I don't claim to be.
F# C# F#
So before you point your fingers, Be sure your hands are clean.


B F#
Judge not, Before you judge yourself.
B C#
Judge not, If you're not ready for judgement. Woah oh oh!
F# B
The road of life is rocking, And you may stumble too.
F# C# F#
So while you talk about me, someone else is judging you.


(Saxophone solo)

B F#
Judge not, Before you judge yourself.
B C#
Judge not, If you're not ready for judgement. Woah oh oh!
F# B
The road of life is rocking, And you may stumble too.
So while you talk about me,
C# F#
Someone else is judging you,
C# F#
Someone else is judging you,
C# F#
Someone else is judging you,
C# F#
Someone else is judging you,
C# F#
Someone else is judging you.
Track Name: Don't Be Stupid (Party Party)
Don’t Be Stupid

Don’t be stupid
Be a smarty
Tonight we’re gonna
Party party
Don’t be dense
Use your intelligence
Party until
Nothing makes sense
Don’t be greedy
Be generous
Our party
Is just for us
Don’t be frightened
Grow a spine
Party party
You’re all mine

We’re gonna get down
Right down to business
The ones who ain’t here
Will be missing us
Rock it shock it
Walk it talk it
Like Eric Clapton
Funk it slap it
Drop the beat
Dubstep and trap it
Out in the street
No tomorrow
No yesterday
This ain’t no talk show
It’s foreplay

Stopping the world
Because it needs a break
Hop in girl
Let’s groove away
Come on over
To the stage
Red Rover, Red Rover,
Don’t act your age
Get on the mic
And spit a verse
Never better
Could be worse
Pick your number
Stay in the light
When you rumble
You’re outtasight

Try and stop us
Try real hard
You cannot drop us
It’s our backyard
We got bouncers
And security
Pounds and ounces
Under the Christmas tree
Believe in Santa
Believe I will
That fat elf
May be over the hill
But you got to hand it
To Kris Kringle, hellz
It a catchy tune
Them Jingle Bells

Ho Ho Ho
And Ha Ha Ha
Breaking the rules
And breaking the law
Outsider art
You know we planned
It from the start
Tonight we slide
Into home plate
Don’t miss your ride
Don’t show up late
I’m here waiting
With my Jingle bells on
Anticipating when
We turn ourselves on